Why Am I a Food Addict?
anonymous Asks ...
If my food addiction is because of my trying to fill a hole in my life with eating how am I supposed to fill a hole that I have never in 41 years been able to fill so far? It feels kind of hopeless. I honestly don’t understand why I eat so compulsively but I can recognize that my ability to control myself gets worse when I am upset or emotionally drained. I have a lot of self worth issues that come from a verbally abusive mother who never once said a kind word to me. She died 4 years ago but her critical voice lives on inside my brain. Part of the problem for why I feel so depressed is because I never had the guts to confront her for what she did to me before she died. I don’t feel I am worthy of love even though I am married to a wonderful person. I know in my brain that she loves me but in my heart I keep looking for the real reason that she is with me. It is so embarrassing to be so fat that I have to eat small portions in front of other people and then go home and pig out later on.
William Anderson Says ...
No matter how old we are, it is never too late to find out more about ourselves, address the critical problems that trouble us, and improve our lives. Forty-one is the perfect age to set out on that journey.
You have described several key issues that must be addressed if you are to find peace and health, and none of them are simple or easy. However, the good news is that they are common and very treatable. An experienced therapist will be able to help greatly. Don't try to fix these things on your own. You'll make fast progress if you get the right help and you'll save lots of time and heartache.
Find a local therapist to help you with the depression, the loss of your mother, and your self-esteem issues. The "Find a Therapist" feature at Psychology Today is probably the best resource for that. Don't waste any time setting up an appointment for this. The sooner you get going, the sooner you'll start feeling better.
Food addiction is a complex problem and your questions cannot be answered in a short article. Get my book The Anderson Method and take your time reading it slowly and carefully. It will teach you about food addiction and what you can do to manage it so that you can have a healthy and satisfying life. It will answer the questions you have posed here and address the issues you have raised.
When you have done those two things, let me know how things have gone and if you want suggestions for next steps, I'll have them.