Sacrifice for our children
anonymous Asks ...
I don’t know how to break free. How can you break free when it is your SON who has the problem and he is EVERYTHING to you? He is only 21 years old but he has been an addict for 2 years. It is meth. He is 41 days clean now. He has been clean before but it always ends. It usually ends after he gets really upset about something and then he goes out and will not come back for 3 or 4 days. Now everytime he is clean I feel like I am stressed out every second of the day trying to pay attention to his moods and trying to keep him in a good mood. Today he wanted $100 to buy new clothes and I was so worried because he was acting irritated. I want to trust him but in the past he has lied so many times for money but the biggest thing is I dont want to anger him by denying him so I gave him the money and then I lay in bed worrying until he came home at 1 am. But I was right to give him the money because he did buy clothes and he says now he going to look for a job and he was so thankful today. I feel like I am going crazy with worry. I know this is bad for me but I know that I have prayed so many times for him to get clean and now that he is trying to get clean too it is my turn to pay the price by suffering a little bit for a while and by trying to make him happy. I am willing to sacrifice myself for my SON. Is this what I need to do to support him?
Jennifer Hamilton Says ...
You really are at a place that having your own therapist who is familiar with addiction issues would be your best bet. It is not unusual for loved ones to develop anxiety, struggle with appropriate boundaries and question everything at a time like this. You do want to support your son, while not enabling him. Instead of thinking of this as another time he will probably fail, think that each time before was an opportunity for him to learn and grow. He definitely should be encouraged to seek out help, whether professional or self-help. I just did a presentation at a women's conference at my church called Worn to Wonderful: A Catholic Woman's Way to Self-Care. Here is a link to my Power Point. Maybe it will have something to help you! You may also want to check out a web site a previous poster mentioned called Smart Recovery. Just Google it! https://www.dropbox.com/s/jx7t6vkyc0chjgk/Worn%20to%20Wonderful.ppt