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Expressing your needs in a relationship

  • SeptemberRain Asks ...

    I have been dating on and off again this man for four years he 41 never married no kids. here is the problem i feel used & hurt of course the first few years good but he has a webcam sex addiction he even likes me to sit watch him talk to women whom don't know im in room watching this i did to make him happy but now the last 2 years he sleeps in other room and we don't never have sex but maybe 2xs a month i'm a very sexual women and torn with this i tell him it is cheating he said its not, when we do have sex it takes him a long time but if he jerks off it fast and the last few times we did its been bad i know this is not normal what to do how do i over come his problem. we get along good but it seems to me that we are just roommates with benfits & i'm to old for this but i do care for him maybe its cause i'm a care giver and i feel the need to fix him any input would be nice

  • Dr. Lani Chin Says ...
    Dr. Lani Chin

    It sounds like your partner's needs are getting met while yours get neglected in your relationship.  It seems like you're quite lonely and want your partner to pay attention to you and not the women he's talking to on his webcam.

    I would suggest having a conversation with him about what you're needing and wanting from the relationship.  If you cannot do this or you feel like he doesn't understand, I would recommend couples counseling.  You could both benefit from an open and honest conversation about what an ideal relationship would be for the both of you.

    If your partner does not want to go to couples counseling, I would suggest individual therapy for you so you can begin to understand why it is important for you to put the needs of others before your own.  You call yourself a caregiver...I think it would be good for you to explore what that means to you and how that affects you in this relationship.

    Good luck to you. If you are in the Los Angeles area, I would be happy to help you: www.drlanichin.com or you can go online and find someone local.

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