Who's Responsible for Your Use & Abuse of Drugs?
Went to my first court ordered drug treatment meeting this week. I was in a room with a bunch of other guys who were way harder drug users than I am and all of them were there because they were sentenced to be there. A few of them seemed serious about staying clean but I swear half the guys were making plans to get high or to score while we were outside on smoke breaks. I actually want to use this opportunity to quit using meth since it is now clear to me that is the cause of many of the problems I have experienced recently in my life. But how can I get clean when the place I am supposed to go to get help is like drug dealer central and all those guys sharing drug war stories just makes me want to go out and get cranked? I feel like I am trying to do good by volunteering my time at Church and staying away from the people I used to use with but the court is actually making me go back three times a week to hang out with a bunch of guys that do nothing but remind me of meth.
Ken Sneed Says ...
Congratulations for choosing to be involved in your church and avoiding those you used to hang out with who encouraged your use. Now you get to make more difficult choices. You say that hearing those ordered to attend the drug program talk about scoring more drugs, and you get so angry about it that you want to go use again yourself?
So who's responsibility is it that you might choose to do that? While it is discouraging and disgusting that the others are talking about more use of drugs, your choice can be that their offensive attitudes help you see what you don't want to become. Be offended and turned off by their behavior . . . to the point you don't want to be one of them! Easy? No way! The choices are difficult because their talk, while disgusting, still takes you back to what has been so appealing to you. At the same time, you can't blame others for your choice to use or not.
Invest in additional time and acquaintances who will be encouraging and supportive for you. Spend time in additional meetings: AlAnon, AA or Celebrate Recovery (a faith-based program). It may not be easy, but it's your responsibility to make better choices.
Take care of yourself, and do the smart thing!