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Don't wait for fireworks!

  • anonymous Asks ...

    Is there a real thing as a Soul Mate? I can’t find the ONE and when he isn’t the ONE I feel like I will feel like I am settling for the whole rest of my life. Do I need to wait for that head over heels feeling? I am 25 and honestly I don’t think I have never had that since I was a kid with a crush, but never as an adult and never with a person I have been in a relationship with.

  • Raffi Bilek Says ...
    Raffi Bilek

    Whether there is such a thing as a soulmate or "the one" is probably a matter for religious discussion.  Regardless of one's beliefs, though, the head-over-heels feelings is definitely NOT a prerequisite to having a good, healthy relationship (and in fact it is often detrimental).  The expectation of "fireworks" is a myth of Western society.  Love is based on a deep knowledge of another person, not on a feeling of excitement.  Feelings like that inevitably die down. A solid relationship is built from the foundation up, so that loving feelings develop; it does not "happen" by running into someone who superficially looks nice, attractive, interesting and then assuming that it will go "happily ever after" (that's an ending in fairy tales, not in real life!).

    In short, no, you don't have to wait for that feeling.  Relationships are built, not found.  How to build them is a much larger post!

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