Regrets, Guilt and Shame from a Lost Past.
anonymous Asks ...
I did a lot of drugs and a lot of drinking for the past 10 years. I screwed up a lot of things over that time but one of my biggest regrets is that there is so much that happened that I don’t remember. My kids are 7 and 9 now and I can barely remember anything about there early childhood and that makes me so sad I want to cry. Is there any possibility that some of my memories will come back to me as I get more clean time? I am 6 weeks into recovery now.
Florence Cameron Says ...
First of all congratulations on making the choice to get sober!
This is a very fragile time in your recovery, Many feelings that you were repressing with your using are now surfacing. It is these feelings that send many people back to their drug of choice as they never developed any other coping skills then to escape with drugs and alcohol. You have an opportunity now to make some positive and lasting memories that unfortunately you forfeited with your drug use. Your recovery program should help you "let go of the past" as there is nothing you can do about it now. Yes there will be somethings you will remember and those things will perhaps cause you shame and guilt, however, this will be counter-productive to your sobriety.
Your children are still young enough to benefit from a father that will be emotionally available to them. However you still have a lot of healing to do yourself, and approaching life one day, or one minute at a time is crucial. Let your sponsor help you stop rewinding the "old tapes" and get busy writing a new script for your life. All the best.
Jeannie Cameron, NCC, LMHC