Self Medicating to Feel OK
anonymous Asks ...
Childhood neglect and sexual abuse led me to very early promiscuity at 12 years old and marijuana and then crack cocaine addiction and alcoholism. In and out of rehab and I was out on the streets by 15 and raped twice before I was 18. Sex has been like a weapon against me for my while life so its messed up that I am a sex addict now. The thing is the only times I don’t feel pain are when I am planning and fanaticizing and during sex but then I feel worse afterward than ever. Sex is like my emotional medicine but if I don’t use sex then I start to crave alcohol very strongly and drinking takes me to a very bad place that I know I won’t survive again. So what I want to know. Honestly. Is will I ever not need something to feel OK?
Zelik Mintz Says ...
I am so sorry you have had such a traumatic childhood and life. Whether the addiction is alcohol, crack, cocaine, marijuana or sex, you are using to self medicate your pain. And the relief from pain is very short lived - as you've stated in describing your sex addiction. I know you've been in and out of rehab and the rehab experiences appear to have been ineffective. Your desire to be okay without self medicating can be realized but it will take very hard work and vigilance with a program of recovery that suits you. Having been in rehab repeatedly without success, I imagine you are pessimistic about recovery working for you. There are many different kinds of programs with different philosophies. I hope you can find what works for you and create a strong support system. Yes, you can work through your addiction issues and feel okay. This won't happen by replacing one addiction with another. It will happen by addressing and working though with a therapist the traumas you've experienced and at the same time finding a program that sustains your recovery.