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Home » Expert Q & A » Sex Addiction » Sex Addiction: Dr. Shirley Schaye

Sexual Addiction is an Obsessional Compulsive Disorder

  • anonymous Asks ...
    anonymous

    I have probably cheated on my wife 75 or more times. Every time I do it I feel awful and I regret it. I still regret every single girl and if I could take them all back I would. I do not mean to cheat but once I get an itch I forget how terrible I feel after the sex and I just have to have the conquest. I am trying to understand why I do this and I am reading about sex addiction and how one indicator of sex addiction is losing control over your sexual behaviors. I cheated last night and I feel like crap right now.

    Does what I described sound like losing control? I am not sure myself because I am always the one making the decisions that start me down the road to cheating. When I am away for work and I go down to the bar I know how it’s probably going to end and I choose to go but then once things get set in motion there’s no way I can stop myself. Does what I have described sound like a person with sex addiction or just a person with low morals?

  • Dr. Shirley Schaye Says ...
    Dr. Shirley Schaye

    Yes, what you have described is a sexual addiction.

    Sexual addiction means "Compulsive sexual behaviour." Compulsive sexual behaviour may include acceptable sexual acts. These behaviours become problems when they become "an obsession" that's disruptive or harmful to you or others. So yes, it is destructive to your marriage. You are showing signs that you are struggling with compulsive sexual behaviour.

    Some signs of Sexual Addiction include:

    • Sexual impulses are intense and you feel as if they're beyond your control.
    • You may also use compulsive sexual behaviour as an escape from other problems, such as loneliness, depression, anxiety or stress.
    • Another sign is you continue to do risky sexual behaviours despite serious consequences, such as the potential for getting or giving someone else a sexually transmitted infection, the loss of important relationships (your marriage), trouble at work, or legal problems.
    • Another sign may be for some people that they have trouble establishing and maintaining emotional closeness, even if they are married or in a committed relationship.

    You may need to get help if you feel like you have lost control of your sexual behaviour, especially if you can't stop it now.

    Compulsive sexual behaviour may become more intense and difficult to control over time, so getting help to deal with this problem is very important.

    So you may ask yourself whether to seek professional help. Here are reasons why someone would:

    • Can I control my sexual impulses?
    • Is my sexual behaviour hurting my relationships, affecting my work or resulting in other negative consequences?
    • Is sex constantly on my mind, even when I don't want to think about it?
    • Do I try to hide my sexual behaviour?

    Here are some web sites that you might like to take a look at:

    www.sauk.org

    www.privatehealth.co.uk/hospitaltreatment/find-a-treatment/sexual-health/sex-addiction/

    I would be glad to help you find a therapist if you give me your city, state and zip code.

    Please let me know if you have more questions or I have overlooked any.

    Warm regards,

    Dr. Shirley Schaye

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