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Reality & Fantasy

  • anonymous Asks ...

    It’s my new years resolution to give up porn. I think it was interfering with my ability to be intimate with my wife. I have been visiting porn sights once a day since I made a vow to give it up. This is down from 2 or 3 times a day before but I am flabbergasted at how hard this is to stop completely. I have good intentions but I have slipped every day so far so my will power sucks I guess. This is really something I need to do for my marriage. I am not sure how to do this? I spend all day online in my private office at home with no one around so the temptation is always there. Porn filters just don’t work.

  • Jim LaPierre Says ...
    Jim LaPierre

    My question to you would be - what does porn provide that reality does not?

    The fantasies involved with pornography do not have to be an obstacle to satisfying sex and emotional intimacy.

    It feels like there's something more substantive that's blocking intimacy.

    Is this a conclusion and direction you've chosen on your own or have you involved your wife in discussions of improving your marriage, intimacy, sex?

    The instant gratification of meeting your own needs is always available to you...avoiding that temptation is not realistic. Making a choice to invest in your marriage is available and getting to the heart of the matter sounds like what's needed.

    Talk with your wife about what you want and see what you can do together. Feel free to ask me follow up questions and I'm happy to offer suggestions - simply avoiding instant gratification that is always at your fingertips feels like a losing battle.

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