anonymous Asks ...
My daughters husband has just started a veterans court treatment program. So far things are looking up for him, but this is a 15 to 18 month program, and he just started a month ago. I feel that she still is being somewhat codependent on his needs which she somewhat agrees with me on. She also attends Al anon. She blames all of his problems (financial abuse of not paying any household bills - the biggest issue and a lot of selfishness) completely on the alcoholism. His father really took advantage of people and he was not an alcoholic. Could the alcoholism be completely to blame or do you think she just has blinders on?
Jim LaPierre Says ...
Hi there and thank you for your question. My first thought is, "Well, of course he is still codependent, it's only been a month." I am a huge fan of Veteran's courts, family drug courts, and other alternative sentencing and recovery programs. Given that he is a veteran, I am wondering if his experiences in the military are also impacting his behavior That seems likely to me. It sounds like your daughter is attending to her own needs and I urge you to simply support her and her family as this is indeed a long process and there are likely many changes yet to come. I generally see milestones/improvements in 3 month increments after a person attains sobriety and I urge utilizing AA and NA to meet the needs that have only just begun to surface. Good luck and blessed be!