A social life
anonymous Asks ...
I am worried that being in recovery has turned me into a really boring person. I always had the crazy story from the night before, I was always the one that kept the party going and I was the one friends called when they really wanted to let loose.
Now I'm 6 months sober and I don't ever have any funny stories to tell about the night before and nobody really calls me anymore since I don't know what to do with anyone now that they can still drink and I can't. The depressing thing is that I don't know how much of the fun popular guy I was was just the alcohol and how much was actually me.
I can't take another awkward night with friends trying not to drink on my behalf and I can't take many more weekend nights sitting alone watching sport center either.
I guess I am looking for reassurance that this is going to get better or that this is normal? I have no one to talk about this with as talking about 'my recovery' seems to bore my friends more than anything else.
Jill Edwards Says ...
Thank you for posting about how you are feeling and for your courage and perseverance with your recovery. You are right recovery is about more than not drinking and it seems that in order to shut down your drinking you have shut down the part of you that wanted to have fun. Everyone likes to have fun and to laugh with friends and I would like you to look forwards to this in your recovery. I need to check out with you though, why it was that you had to be the wildest part of the party, because some people who are actually shy, get involved in this way in order to get attention and feel accepted as part of the group. On the other hand it may just have been "Mr Alcohol" making sure that you got lots to drink. If it is shyness and alcohol that fuelled your party, then you now have the opportunity to rebuild your self confidence and learn to be the person you want to be without alcohol. Socially, I know that lots of people have found a safe way of making friends and having a social life in early recovery by joining Alcoholics Anonymous and seeing friends from there. It is quite right that you cannot continue seeing friends who are really involved in heavy drinking and socialising in that way. I think you have done really well to stay sober this six months long, now it is time to start thinking about what you want for your life as a whole and start being active in doing things that interest you. There may be courses you can start at this time of the year or activities going on locally. There are lots of people like your self, who would be pleased to have a friendly word and some company. It is pretty worth while learning to be a good friend to someone else. Get active, even if it is just re-decorating the house. The more you are doing, the more you will have things to talk about that you are really proud of. You are doing the right things, do not let "Mr Alcohol" tell you that your life is boring and that you should go back to drinking. Check out with yourself whether you want to be the person who was the idiot from the night before.
I wish you well. If you would like to contact me on 01179393240 (in the UK), I can work with you via telephone and e-mail. My website is on www.invitationtotalk.co.uk.