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What is he thinking?

  • Alcomistress Asks ...

    Yesterday I left my spouse at the hotel we stayed at for holiday. He had been drinking "in secret" and refused to get in the car to go home. He kept saying leave my sh*t and go. I told him about 5 times I was leaving him there and finally gave one last warning. Then I did something I never thought I could do....I left him there! I drove away and went home! I left him a couple hours from home with his luggage.
    It's been nearly 48 hours and no word. No activity on his phone at all.
    What could he possibly be thinking?
    What do I do now?
    Please give me some insight.
    Hurt & Confused

  • Jim LaPierre Says ...
    Jim LaPierre

    Hi, thank you for connecting with me. There's a country music song from a few years back in which the vocalist sings,

    "I know what I was feeling, but what was I thinking?"

    Your spouse seems to be on a bender and from your description, I would guess that his drinking is long term and perhaps has

    been building gradually. Now he has immersed himself in it and apparently has forsaken his responsibilities and your needs and feelings.

    Your question, "What do I do now?"

    Well, that depends entirely on the outcome you want to achieve.

    My question to you is - what do you want?

    How honest have you been with yourself about his drinking and the quality of your marriage?

    What's best for you?

    It's difficult to extrapolate from the limited info you provide so here's my best guess:

    Your husband is a long time heavy drinker who has isolated himself and chosen to give into his alcoholism

    There is nothing you can do to help him until he comes to the conclusion that he needs help and has a willingness

    to change. Has he previously identified that alcohol is a problem for him?

    I think it was very healthy for you to leave him there and I'm glad you were able to surprise yourself

    My best advice is to turn your attention toward yourself

    Is this what you want?

    Do you believe he will change?

    Do you have supportive people in your life and are you allowing them to be helpful to you?

    Please feel free to write me again and I'm happy to answer questions

    It sounds like it's time to make some big investments in meeting your needs


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