Rocking the Cradle between a Rock and a Hard Place
anonymous Asks ...
My dad and his new wife took my son from me when I was smoking crack. I knew it was the best thing so I didnt fight them. Now I have been clean for 6 months and I go to NA every day. My son is 14 months old now. My dad doesnt say much but she says I’m not ready to be a parent. My sponsor says I am not ready. But I know I am ready. I have a job and an apartment and if they will babysit for me in the day then I can take him home every night. They say they wont because they know I cant afford daycare. How can I convince them that I am ready and that my son needs to be with me? I feel like she is trying to steal my son from me and my dad just doesnt want to piss her off even though he knows I am right. He just keeps saying give it another month but after a while my son isnt even going to think I’m his mom.
Jim LaPierre Says ...
My heart goes out to you. Kudos for making the right decisions for your son then and now.
Six months is an excellent start - great job! It sounds like you need folks to get on the same page with you if you need their support financially/child care wise and their ongoing support emotionally as well. Instead of accepting "just wait another month" talk with your family and your sponsor and talk about what all parties feel needs to be accomplished for the transition to be successful. Just waiting and leaving things vaguely resolved doesn't help anything.
Try to keep at the forefront of your thoughts that the people who love you are afraid of the same thing that you are - which is that you could relapse. The difference is that you have 100% control over whether that happens and they have 0%
Talk with your sponsor about what you need to do to be ready. Work hard, pray harder and bite your tongue when folks are telling you things that are hard to hear. Listen to your gut and not your heart. Work harder. Strive. The more solid you are in recovery, the more solid a foundation you give yourself and your child. If you haven't signed over parental rights then there should be no legal way for your family to keep your child. Visit often. Did I mention work hard? This is hell but you only have to go through it once and you never have to go back. Good luck and God bless!