Rcok and a Hard Place
sosme Asks ...
Hello, I have a 20year old daughter who is a heroin addict and It's the most horrifying thing I have ever been through even worse than the gang stalking I have went through for the last 10 yrs...anyway that is a separate problem. I am trying to do the tough love thing and it was finally forced on me because my daughter was kicked out basically for addiction and she has caused me to almost be evicted because of her outbursts and drug use at my house. It has been very hard for me to do considering she was assaulted a few years ago and that is when she became a heroin addict. (it goes deeper than just that) and since I am a target, I feel that she is and has been in danger. So sometimes if she comes over and I see that she looks really bad off, tired and dirty, that as a mom I let her stay a night or two, risking losing my place. I feel I am suppose to use my mother instincts as well and I am just extra worried about her on the streets and I cry everyday when I think about her out there getting high and men taking advantage of her and just treating her bad and her being so out of it that who knows what happens! I want to move out of this town and possibly get a place with my sister and kids somewhere, and the only problem is my daughter cant go like she is so I want to get her clean so that I can take her away from here but I havent got her detox or inpatient yet because where I live there isnt anything free and they want high down payments that I just dont have. She said she would get help if she got detox and inpatient and so now I am so sad that I just cant put her in right away when she says that because I cant afford it!! I feel so sad and guilty like she is waiting on me now. I have to move! When it comes down to it, what if I set it up in another city, what if she wont go right away and so I have no idea the order to do this and also do you have to live in a town to use their resources? I have many questions but I want to know, how long should I wait for her to get clean before I go on with my life? I cant sleep good I am constantly worried and ill be 40 next month and so I feel my life is passing by and I just want to get out of here and away from negative people myself etc. I cant leave her here on the streets what if something happens to her! But also maybe I need to move and hope she follow? I cant budge I am frozen with stress alone and harassed stalked etc....what should I do? Also a good man from high school offered me to move to where he is and anyway, do I wait for her or do I go on? I feel too sad but I need to know what a professional would tell me. I am so depressed, sad and angry that I feel I am losing my mind and i already get SSI for being terrorized and so decisions are too hard for me and the evil is trying to suck me in and I just need away from here and so does she. I feel they have did this to control and trap me from leaving by getting her to where she is it seems to me and I am at wits end. What would you do?
Jim LaPierre Says ...
Thank you for writing to me and for posing a question that a lot of families struggle with.
Short answer - if you have the option to move - do so as quickly as possible
No amount of sacrificing your well being and mental health are going to benefit your daughter.
You getting your needs met and becoming healthier means you are better equipped to help her
when she is ready to be helped.
I have children in their twenties and so my heart goes out to you all the more
I can only imagine how difficult this choice is for you
As a professional, I say that you must not enable
You must not protect your daughter from the consequences of her drug use
I know that this feels cruel
but it is not
it is the only thing that can work
I urge you to reach out to your local churches and to the Salvation Army
as these are often the best resources when treatment is not available