Powerlessness When Our Loved Ones are Hurting
anonymous Asks ...
My daughter is married to an alcoholic and is attending alanon. She has taken alanon steps and is now just worrying about herself and her children. She says she is happier then she has been in months, but yesterday seemed very depressed and admitted to me that a few days ago was also very depressed. She does not want us to discuss her situation and basically have told us to butt out. We are following her wishes. But the depression is very worrisome to me. Her husband also gives her no financial support and she is barely making ends meet on her salary. Do you think divorce would be the best thing for her?
Jim LaPierre Says ...
Hi there and thank you for your question. I hear your concern and the love you have for your daughter so clearly in your words and I wish that everyone had that. To answer your question directly, indeed it may be the best thing for her to seek divorce - here's the rub - she needs to have her boundaries respected so that she can come to her own truth in her own time. Encouragement and support from you will likely be invaluable from you - but only when she is ready to receive it. Maintain connection and show love for her AND respect the limits she is setting on what she is and is not willing to discuss. When we give love and support unconditionally, our loved ones thrive. Your daughter is reaching out and getting the help she needs. Love her more and if you pray then pray for her. Use the Serenity Prayer for yourself as you'll catch yourself worrying about her.