Acceptance Yields Freedom
Hello Jim LaPierre. My name is Cristina and i came from Portugal. I live since 4 years in Germany. My husband is german and alcohcolic. He have made in is life 3 long therapies. was sober for 5 years but he drinks at the moment very heavy... He have put me out of the house. I´m guilty for everything... Tryes to put everyone against me. I have write to him a very long brief since he dont speak. 5 days its gone and i dont became any reply from him. I only know that he goes more depressed. Would you be so kind and if you have the time, to tell me if you think that this letter have made "light" on his heart...
""" I would like to say same words that are in my heart but also in my throat…
I've taken your advice and since 5 weeks I go to a therapeut, and he thinks it’s also a good idea to write to you.
I would like to start by calling your obsession (drinking) your Lover. When you see this word you will know from what I´m talking about.
You say that i don't get more, that I have all, too much… .
From your Lover I became ALL!
Too much pain, hurt, lost of respect, lost of my husband, lost of my home (and I don’t mean house). An ax on the table, a television command flying in my head, a head butt, charged words with hate jealous of sadness aggression. A life and plans for a beautiful future completely destroyed, reduced to powder.
Go the police or the judge? It is your right do to so
And say what?
That from the 5 days that you gave your Portuguese woman living in Germany, without any family, only her husband, to leave the house and she came out with 50.00 euros in her pocket and no job and no place to live or possibility...
That same woman after she was out came again to you for 2 times and have clean your home, or when you made the farewell dinner for her that was only to humiliate her before the family , she still came back the next day to clean the kitchen, the bathroom, wash your clothes and even sat at the table with you to eat.
That same woman that has respect you as a husband, person and human being.
That had to ask your ex-wife for help to find one place to live ... your ex-wife ... Who lives in the house of your former father in law ...
The same woman that never have said to you that you must go out and find a normal job like everyone and bring money to the house. The woman that have respect your freedom so that you make with your professional and private life what you wish.
The woman that gave you power to show your paintings.The woman that don’t gave you power to open the tattoo studio in Oberndorf…
The same woman that says to your daughters to have hope that you will go back to be the Papa they both love and that says that the Love they have for you will heal all.
The woman who have not steal you anything, that have not destroy anything of yours, who respected and continue to respect your name and your property.
That have not beat you physically or verbally.
I am not and will never be as certain people from your past, no matter how much your Lover wants to make me an aggressor!
My heart was always love and is full of love that will die!
The intervention when your Mother, Ulrike, and your daughters were there in the house on December 29, I see and I realize now that it was arrogant of me!
I never had the right to require you that you'd stop drinking. It would have to come from you that will.
But I did for love and everything that is done for love should be forgiven.
For this mystake I will regret the rest of my life.
It was never my intention to point the finger at you or humiliate you !!!
But it was very sad and frustrating to realize that you wanted not more being away from your Lover and realize that she would take you from us again ...
Freedom is your greatest wish !? Irony that you are not free ... You're yes prisoner of your Lover.
That every day you captivates more and more from you until you have anything more to offer ...
Still she will continue to require from you the loyalty and dedication that she needs ...
Until there is nothing left of you …
I am not an aggressor as you are not aggressor !!! We are all, you also victims! Victims of your Lover !!!
Timo, complete and whole MAN. Son, father, brother, husband, friend, artist, thinker, Sensitive, Human. Person with so many gifts and possibilities.
Full of defects but loved with these same defects.
What good it would be if one day you could get out of your mask of arrogance and manipulation and look yourself in the mirror and see the HUMAN that it reflects and that you could love HIM.
What good it would it be if you look inside your heart and understand that what your Lover gives you is so little compared to what you are!
To Timo with a 12 years boy Soul, I just want to thank!
And there would never be enough words or paper to express the gratitude for what this Human taught me and showed me.
For teaching me to cook, playing xadrez, for teaching me to like me, for believing in me and in my abilities, to challenge me every day, working on me to want to learn more, the unconditional friendship, for always being by my side.
Helping me to study, to learn German, with homework.
The wonderful attitudes that he had to me in my days of sadness, tears that he cleansed me and kissed my mouth.
Who showed me a country that i have learned to love that showed me so many beautiful and inspiring places that inspired my Soul. That showed me in my country so many wonderful sites.
That gave me a family that I love like my real family.
Thank you for the love and affection you have for Portugal and with my friends.
Thank you for helping me with my obsession with the diazepam.
That urged me to learn to ride a bike. That urged me to like to walk, so I lose weight.
Who challenged me to lose my fears.
Thank all that he built for me or for us. All that he created to make me happy to show me how much he loved me.
All the dreams that have come true and also the dreams that were not fulfilled.
Thank you for the music, the evenings fireplace. By sunny days.
Thank you for the honor of choosing me to be your wife and use your name.
Thanks for the amazing orgasms, the caress of the skin. For helping me to free myself sexually.
Thank you for your madness that made me too crazy in your hands, in your skin in your sex.
My body hurts until today longing for yours.
From your smell, from your touch. Sex, love, pleasure, feeling.
Thanks for touching my soul.
The small Portuguese that became your wife in soul and heart still loves you and will love you to death. And you know I do not need a man to live. I will follow my own life. The love that I always felt for you will always be enough to make me smile.
Say many thanks to your Lover for me, that she have taken me the future that was still to live, but also say to her that she didn't win!!!
The past and what I have lived and enjoyed and feel and loved is in my memories in my skin in my heart deep in my soul!!!
And this she or anyone cannot take from me, never!""""
Many thanks and best regards
Cristina Santos Serrer
Jim LaPierre Says ...
Greetings, Cristina, thank you for reaching out and connecting with me. If I understand correctly, you are grieving the loss of your lover to alcoholism, but you are grateful for the time and love and will treasure the memories. I think that's beautiful and healthy. I hope I understand correctly that you are disengaging and accepting that you cannot separate your man and his "lover" and so you are moving on to freedom, recognizing that he must come to this on his own, most likely by hitting bottom.
I wish you the very best. I hope that your letter awakens something within him.
Please take excellent care of yourself and please write me if I can be of service.