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50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

  • anonymous Asks ...

    My boyfriend was addicted to crack. He was arrested for possession in August 2011 and he had to do a 6 month outpatient program. I met him after he had already quit. He was open about his past and I told him if he ever went back to crack or drugs I would not stick around. I have been with a crackhead partner before and I won’t do it again. Now he is starting to drink alcohol. The last month he has had beer every day and he has been drunk a few times and he has been acting really jumpy like he is high on crack. I think he is getting high but I never see him using and I am with him all the time so I am confused. Is there another kind of drug that would make him look like he is high on crack?

  • Jim LaPierre Says ...
    Jim LaPierre

    Paul Simon did this great song back in the day in which he acknowledged that it's painful to leave someone you love but it doesn't have to be complicated. We could speculate about what kind of drugs your boyfriend is doing but that seems completely unnecessary. He's shared with you the truth that he is an addict. My belief (and I'm pretty confident millions agree with me) is that if a person develops an addiction to one drug, they cannot do any drugs safely. Somehow we continue to put alcohol in a class by itself and we don't consider it a drug. It is.

    Your boyfriend is playing with fire and it's only a matter of time before he goes down in a giant ball of flames. You don't have to catch him in the act. Addicts are incredibly deceptive when actively using and it's just not necessary for you to have proof.

    Self preservation is a beautiful thing. Please consider your needs in this situation and notice your underlying fears are that not only is history repeating itself for him but for you as well. Please consider the possibility that you may be enabling his use. If you are providing for his needs and or protecting him from the natural consequences of his use then you are enabling. Unfortunately, enabling almost always feels like the right thing to do. It's not.

    I'd encourage you to consider checking out a Nar-Anon meeting and I'd encourage you to lean on family and friends during this transition.

    Very best,


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