Addictive Relationships
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anonymous Asks ...
What are the main signs that a person is addicted to another person. I am in a very volatile and rocky relationship. I do not think you could call it a happy relationship. But I am totally unable to stay away from this other person. This has been an ongoing situation for more than a year and it is different from other relationships I have had in the past. It’s like an uncontrollable compulsion to be with this person.
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Loren Gelberg-Goff Says ...
I think that you have mentioned ways to know that you are in a relationship that is addictive. There is a huge difference between loving someone and wanting to be with them and feeling a compulsion to be with someone especially when what you describe is a rocky and volatile relationship. I'd look very seriously at what it is you believe you are getting from this relationship that is beneficial to and for you. I'd ask some questions that demand answers beyond "I don't know"... Questions like: 1. What does this drama do for me? 2. What does the volatility look and sound like? 3. will I feel guilty if I break this off? 4. What else in my life am I avoiding by staying in this relationship? (It's important to note that any addiction allows us to avoid our deeper feelings and concerns) So, if there are other issues in your life that you do not want to face, don't feel ready to face, are afraid to face, etc. then your relationship is serving a purpose for you. It doesn't mean it's a healthy purpose, but it is serving a purpose.
When you say it's not a happy relationship, but you cannot stay away, I would strongly advise you to seek counseling for yourself first, and then if you continue to feel that you want to be in this relationship, I'd definitely want you to seek couple's counseling to see if the dynamics in your relationship can be changed and made healthier. If you do not have someone who can recommend a therapist near where you live,call your medical insurance carrier for a list of providers.
Please don't wait too long to seek the guidance and support you need to make a healthy choice for yourself and your life. You've already spent a year in this relationship and you do not sound happy or content with it, or you would not have written... so, a part of you already knows that you need to do something differently in order to move forward in your life differently.
