Can I manage my marijuana use or do I have to choose?
anonymous Asks ...
I’m a musician and DJ. Music is very important to me, it is me. I have a marijuana problem. It interferes with my relationships and memory and makes me a less good dad than I want to be. These are good reasons to want to quit, and I do, but on the other side music is part of my core identity and without weed I just can’t sink into music like I need to to do what I do. So what I have to do is smoke it at work and then leave it at work. Problem is I am not able to do that. And since I work in a home studio a lot, the lines between work and family get real hazy. Wish I didn’t need to choose between passion/work and family. Is there any way I can get better at controlling my smoking so I don’t have to stop altogether? I gotta admit that just trying to smoke less isn’t working real great.
Mark Hughes Says ...
I don't have any solutions I'm afraid.
If managing it isn't working out, either because you can't smoke at work or you can't control your use as well as you'd like, you are facing a choice. Perhaps it won't pan out the way you think though?
You say you have to use weed to engage with your music, but that isn't necessarily true. Certainly it enables you to do so, and certainly you haven't found an alternative way, but that doesn't mean there isn't one, so I think you are setting up a false choice for yourself: music/passion or family.
I suggest you do some research and see how other musicians seek creative inspiration. There are lots of ways. I'm not an expert, but I recall Brian Eno and David Bowie coming up with all sorts of interesting (and fun sounding) ways to tap into their creativity, and I'm sure other musicians and creatives have as many ways of engaging and connecting with their passion too.
I hope that gives you something to consider, and maybe a way forward that isn't such a stark and difficult choice. Creativity is about always staying open to what you don't yet know, haven't seen or realised, so hopefully it will help.
I remind myself of this in any situation where I'm trying to work something out by adding a few words to the end of my conclusion: "and then there's factor X"
Its great that you want to be a good dad and care about your family and relationships :-)