The Illusion of Control
anonymous Asks ...
I am an educated person who works in academia and I enjoy recreational drugs and testing the limits of conscious experience. I didn’t start experimenting with drugs until graduate school and I was never a heavy drinker or an early drinker, so my drug use is an adult and consciously made decision. I am very careful to control my use and I will never use any drug that has a physical dependency potential more often than once a month. There are so many other fun drugs out there so I don’t see the need to risk it. Two years ago I tried smoking heroin and loved it. 18 months ago I injected for the first time and it was phenomenal. I get very high potency lab-grade drugs from a source who supplies clean drugs (at a high price).I have injected every 3 weeks since that day. It is a struggle to keep it to every three weeks. I am confused with how I am reacting to this. I am able to limit my heroin successfully, but I crave heroin every day and I think about it very often. As I understand it, to be psychologically addicted I need to be unable to control my drug use (I am in control) but I have never before had this experience of constant cravings and they seem to be getting worse. How would you diagnose this situation?
Jim LaPierre Says ...
Hi there - thanks for your question. Diagnostically I would say you're about to discover that control is an illusion. To be fair and answer your question I would say that diagnostically, you only qualify for a diagnosis of drug abuse. I would draw from my experience and tell you that I've known hundreds who had it under control only to find that they kept drawing different lines that they wouldn't cross. This is how control crumbles - it goes from once a year to once a month to every three weeks to every two to once a week and so on. No one sets out with the belief or intention of becoming an addict. An altered state of consciousness is a half assed idea. Truth is you can alter your consciousness in infinite ways without drugs - drugs simply provide instant gratification in the pursuit.
I wish you luck and I respect you enough to say that you're playing with fire and about to get burned. Your ideas of control are nothing more than illusions.