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It is not the choice you think it is

  • anonymous Asks ...

    I play in a band and I am off the coke. I can’t quit the band but it is hard to resist the drugs that are all around me. My band mates are pretty cool about not using around me to support my recovery but it’s just everywhere and I can’t not see it. I am going to lose my music unless I get control of my addiction but to get control of my addiction it seems like I need to lose my music – and without my music, I might as well use drugs. It’s a catch 22. Any advice?

  • Jill Edwards Says ...
    Jill Edwards

    Firstly, Congratulations on being "off the coke". You have not told me how long you have been "off the coke" or whether you have decided to be clean of all substances or just the coke. I dont know how you came to the decision to come off. I dont know how bad things were for you, or how much your bank balance, your health or the relationships that matter were hurting with your use. So I dont know how much you chose to go off, how deeply you re-oriented yourself.

    It is like sounding a fundamental note. When that decision is fundamentally made, you know the decisions that follow. I would like to know more about your music. If your music is an expression of who you are, then the changes you have made about coke will have to work their way through to your circumstances. Not using coke will improve your musical capabilities, but it may not enable you to carry on comfortably with what you are currently doing. You are telling me it is not easy to play your music in the conditions you are in.

    If your friends are supportive, then it is clear that they were also thinking that your coke use was doing some damage to you, and in spite of not being free themselves, they wanted better for you. You have an influence through staying drug free.

    Obviously this is your decision to make, but it is not a decision between coke and music. The decision is first about coke, and then about the subsequent behaviour which supports what you decide about coke. If you are not going to use, then you have to protect your choice, in whatever way you feel is right.

    You do not know what new musical opportunities may be yours in time, but it is useful to look at the probabilities for the future if you went back to using coke again.

    It may be useful to get into contact with any other musicians you know who are in recovery, or any recovery groups like Narcotics Anonymous. This is not a problem that you are alone in having and it would be really useful to contact Narcotics Anonymous and speak to people in similar position to yourself.

    If you would like to contact me on 07948354827, perhaps we can talk further.


    Jill Edwards

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