Getting a bit of a lift
anonymous Asks ...
I feel like I have to get high every day. I know this is not the PC thing to say but I am in my fourth decade now and I know what I can and cannot do and what I need pretty well. I can’t keep on with the drinking and harder drugs though. I know another serious round with a few of those dangerous suspects could be my last at my age. I am wondering if there is some sort of antidepressant or something like that that I could take - Or maybe even Suboxone…although I am not on opiates right now? Even though I am not depressed. That would get me as high as I need to be every day (which is not even that high really) but that is not too bad for my body and mind for use on a long term basis. I realize this request probably goes against some sort of therapeutic principles but for me, at this point in my life, it is really all about harm reduction and accepting my limitations.
Jill Edwards Says ...
Hullo, thank you for your message. I understand that you are feeling actually quite stuck. I know you tell me that you have to get high and when you say that I hear that you are often feeling quite low and need some relief from that. I hope you are aware that while alcohol often appears to be a high because people can behave very loudly etc, it is a depressant which wipes out the frontal lobe, the sensible part of us, which allows us to do things we would not do in our “right minds”.
You clearly have considerable experience of using hard drugs of different kinds and are used to winding yourself up, but you know that it will not be good to carry on as there is some damage taking place. So you are trying to find a middle road, of harm reduction. I do not know at this point what drugs you are using currently as a maintenance for yourself. It seems you have accepted that you cannot live without drugs, nor can you get a high without drugs.
I would suggest that it might be worth while consulting with your doctor first and then some local help and beginning a very slow reduction in drug use, together with some support in improving your life circumstances, raising the level of personal activity and reducing the isolation that comes with long term drug use.
Exercise will provide some endorphins, which are a small high. Setting short term goals and achieving them will help with the intereaction with life in general. Speak to the doctor to see whether you need a short anti-depressant, that would only be if you are not functioning in an ordinary way, if you were not getting dressed and out the house.
The highs that you get from doing things for yourself, are not as acute as those from drugs but they will not damage you and they will over time build a platform from which you can see life from a more positive place. You may find being with people who are also recovering from drug use/alcohol quite helpful.
My advice is don’t give up on yourself and on life. 40 Plus is a good time to turn things round. It will take time, like growing a garden takes time, but it gives a much better quality of life, something you deserve to have after all you have been through.