Money as a trigger
I have a problem with crack. I have been trying to quit using but every time my payday comes along I just can’t resist the temptation of that cash in my pocket and I don’t stop until the whole thing is gone.
I have tried having my work do a direct deposit into my girlfriends account but I would always end on the phone screaming at my girlfriend to give up my money. Eventually she’d fold and give it up. Who wants an angry crack head calling you at work screaming for money? Anyway, having someone else hold onto the money doesn’t seem to really help me. She isn’t my girlfriend any more but I have learned that if I have money having someone else hold onto it for me doesn’t really work because when I know I’ve got it I just crave so hard and I won’t stop until I get it.
So what do I do? I’m a pretty good bodywork guy so I’ve been keeping this job for the last 6 months and I am really trying to get my shit together but every two weeks like clock work I just go on this bender and even though I swear it won’t happen again it just does, every time. I try the NA thing but it’s no good against the feelings I get on those Friday afternoons when I know I’ve got money to burn.
Donna Hunter Says ...
It is pretty clear that having money or knowing you have it is a trigger. You have tried to eliminate the trigger but your addiction beats your girlfriend and others down. You can't expect other people to be responsible for youR addiction. Eliminating triggers is a good thing, but it is not the only thing you need to break your addiction. Your triggers are yours and putting them in the hands of others is not only unfair, but useless.
If you really want to get your life together, it sounds like you need professional help - a treatment center or daily attendance at NA. IT is only with support and a program of living that you can tame this gremlin.