Sexual abuse, rage, shame, drugs: the perfect storm
I was sexually molested as a child. I have never told anyone about it in real life. Not even my parents know about what happened. I don’t know how to talk about what happened. Now I am 24 and I have real problems with depression and social anxiety and drinking. My doctor is recommending antidepressants but I feel like if the way I am feeling now is all caused by the shit I went through as a kid how is taking a pill everyday going to make that all disappear? I feel like if I could get rid of some of the rage and shame I have I wouldn’t need to drink to pass out every night and I wouldn’t feel so scared to fucking talk to another person that I don’t know. How do I get free from this so I won’t need drugs just to feel OK?
Art Matthews Says ...
There is a saying in recovery circles that we are only as sick as our secrets. It's time for you to reach out for help and get this off your chest. The reaction you fear most is not likely to happen with an experienced, trained and skilled trauma therapist. Start with your medical doctor and ask for a referral to a therapist or psychologist who specializes in trauma therapy. In your case it would be best to consider someone dually licensed or experienced in addiction treatment. You have reached the end of the efficacy of your own coping, so it's time to move into a new phase and make a call. I know this will evoke fear for you as well. Feel the fear and do it anyway. There is no right or wrong way to talk about what happened to you, just get talking. Meds may seem like another way to escape feelings, and I am not a lover of Big Pharma, but taking an antidepressant could have the effect of lessening your distress enough so that you can begin to share. You don't have to be on medication forever. You control your healthcare. Meds combined with therapy has actually been shown to be more effective in treating depression than either one alone.
You have shown some trust in me by sharing in this very public way. Keep trusting and go deeper. Make that call today.
General Disclaimer to the Public: these forums should not be used as a substitute for therapy. The professionals answering questions on this site are not providing treatment, but are sharing information that can be used to guide and shape your healthcare choices.
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